if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
