Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
