my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
