I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
