i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
