I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
