You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
