How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
