You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
