We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
