The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
