I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
