this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
