So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
