There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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