Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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