I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
