I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
