I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
