Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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