It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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