I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
