He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
