I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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