i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
