I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
