There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
