dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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