the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
