I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
