but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
