So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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