mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
