you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
