I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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