does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Randomize
