also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
