Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
