no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
