using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
