i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Everclear isn't food dammit
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
