Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
