a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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