yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
