Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
