I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
