I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
