he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
