I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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