She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
