I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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