a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
