I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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