carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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