so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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